| And researchers say that like those
literary romantics Romeo and Juliet, they may be blind to the consequences of
their quests for an idealized mate who serves their every physical and emotional
need. Nearly 19 in 20 never-married respondents to a national survey agree that "when you marry you want your spouse to be your soul mate, first and foremost", according to the State of Our Unions: 2001 study released Wednesday by Rutgers University. David Popenoe, a Rutgers sociologist and one of the study's authors, said that view might spell doom for marriages. "It really provides a very unrealistic view of what marriage really is," Popenoe said. "The standard becomes so high, it's not easy to bail out if you didn't find a soul mate." The survey points to a fundamental dilemma in which younger people want more from the institution of marriage while they seemingly are unwilling to make the necessary commitments. The survey also suggests that some respondents expect too much from a spouse, including the kind of emotional support rendered by same-sex friends. The authors of the study also suggest that the generation that was polled may more quickly leave a margin because of infidelity than past generations. Popenoe said the poll, conducted by the Gallup organization, is the first of its kind to concentrate on people in their 20s. A total of 1,003 married and single young adults nationwide were interviewed by telephone between January and March. The margin of error was plus or minus four percentage points. Respondents said they eventually want to get married, realize it's a lot of work and think there are too many divorces. They believe there is one right person for them out there somewhere and think their own marriages won't end in divorce. Since the poll is the first of its kind, researchers say it is impossible to say if expectations about marriage are changing or static. But scholars say the search for soul mates has increased over the last generation--and the last century--as marriage has become an institution centering on romance rather than utility. "one hundred years ago, people married for financial reasons, for tying families together, they married for political reasons," said John DeLamater, a sociologist at the University of Wisconsin. "And most people had children." Those conditions are no longer the case for young adults like David Asher, a 24-year-old waiter in a Trenton cafe who has been in a relationship for about two years. He wants to wait to make sure he's ready to exchange vows. "I know a lot of it has to do with financial reasons," he said. "Maybe if you're going to have children, marriage is the best bet." But the main reason for matrimony: "If you're in love with someone, it's sort of like promising to them you are in love." "That's all well and good," said Heather Helms-Erikson, an assistant professor of human development and family studies at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. "But passion--partly in endorphin- caused physiological phenomenon--has been known to diminish in time." |