All couples have problems and disagreements, so it's critical that they learn how to communicate about them in a way that will be helpful instead of making them worse. I do not believe that prescribing specific techniques for communicating is as helpful as focusing on the core attitudes behind the communication. My thoughts on effectively communicating about ANY difficult issue are in keeping with the ideas I used in the "assertiveness training" I did back in the 70s. What I learned was that I could tell people the "correct" words to use and "correct" body language, etc. to be "assertive" —but none of it worked unless it came from "inside" the person. In other words, your ability to communicate has more to do with your attitudes and beliefs about your "right to know" and the degree of "equality" in the relationship (or lack thereof) and the degree of "caring" involved between the two people than in whatever actual words or techniques you use. All these things are FAR more important than the "skills". You can't just "put on the skills like a coat" and have them work. As I said, the words need to come as an outgrowth of an attitude of genuinely wanting to effectively work on whatever problem is being discussed. Another similarity between learning how to effectively discuss a problem and how people learn to talk in an assertive manner is that even if you say everything "just right" (in accordance with the guidelines for using good communication skills), there is no guarantee that the other person will receive it in the way it is intended. For instance, with assertiveness, someone could perfectly execute an "assertive" conversation and still have it be interpreted as being "aggressive". One way of determining the specific words that are more likely to be effective is to think in terms of the "ego states" as defined by transactional analysis: "parent, adult, and child". You'll have more likelihood of success by approaching the discussion from all "adult", problem-solving way of talking, while avoiding using the "judgmental" words of a "parent" or the "hurt feelings" words of a "child". The bottom line is that you don't need specific communication skills so much as you need to approach any conversation with a certain attitude: that the clear goal is to "improve the relationship" rather than to just "criticize" and/or "change" the other person. With that spirit, you have a better chance of success; without it, all the communication skills in the world won't be enough.
单选题
According to the author, "assertiveness"______. A. refers to specific techniques for communicating B. means "using the language correctly and moving the body gracefully" C. makes the problems and disagreements between couples even worse D. does not work if it does not come as an outgrowth of a genuine attitude
【正确答案】
D
【答案解析】细节题。关键词是assertiveness，根据第一段最后一句话“but none of…”，意思是“如果不是发自内心的情感，则这些assertiveness的方法都不会奏效”。选项[D]的意思是“如果不是真诚的态度的流露，则‘肯定’也不会起作用”，与原文相符，只是采用了同义词语替换，换了一种说法，故正确答案为[D]。[A]意思是“assertive是指沟通的特别技巧(specific techniques)”，但根据第一段内容，作者强调core attitudes behind the communication (assertiveness)，与specific techniques相对而言的，故两者不是等同概念；[B]意思是“使用语言要正确无误，并且身体动作要优雅”，这是对原文的“use the correct words and correct body language”(使用正确的字眼和身势语言)的错误理解；根据第一段，assertiveness有助于互相沟通和消除冲突，而不是使之更加严重，故此[C]的意思恰与之相悖。
单选题
What is considered by the author as much more important than specific techniques in effective communication? A. One's fight to know. B. One's attitudes and beliefs behind the communication. C. The degree of "equality" in the relationship. D. The degree of "caring" involved between the two people.
单选题
Good communication skills cannot guarantee the effectiveness of the communication because ______. A. "assertiveness" may sometimes be interpreted as "aggressiveness" B. it is very difficult to talk in an assertive manner C. there are no guidelines for using the skills D. you may say wrong words and make the situation worse
单选题
By "think in terms of 'ego states'", the author means that______. A. we should use the "judgmental" words of a "parent" or the "hurt feelings" words of a " child" B. we should try to "criticize" or "change" the other person C. we should avoid approaching the discussion with a certain attitude D. we should approach the discussion from an "adult", problem solving way of talking
【正确答案】
D
【答案解析】词汇题。根据该短语的上下文的语义，尤其是第二句You'll have more likelihood…words of a“child”，大意是“以成人的、解决问题的方式谈论问题成功的可能性较大，而同时应避免使用父母式的判断性词语或儿童式的受委屈的词语”，可以判断[D]的意思“我们应该用一种‘成年人的’解决问题的谈话方式进入讨论”，与原文相符。其他三个选项与原文意思相反。
单选题
The best title of the passage would be______. A. Assertiveness Training B. Effectively Communicating about Problems C. Good Communication Skills D. How to Solve Problems