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More Americans are cohabiting—living together out of wedlock—than ever. Some exports applaud the practice, but others warn playing house does not always lead to marital bliss. At one time in America, living together out of wedlock was scandalous. Unmarried spouses who “shacked up” were said to be “living in sin”. Indeed, cohabitation was illegal throughout the country until about 1970. Today, statistics tell a different tale. The number of unwed couples living together has risen to a new high—more than 4.1 million as of March 1997, according to the Census Bureau. That figure was up from 3.96 million couples the previous year and represents a quantum leap from the 430,000 cohabiting couples counted in 1960.

The bureau found that cohabiting is most prevailing in the 24-35 age group, accounting for 1.6 million such couples. Cohabitants claim they live together primarily to solidify their love and commitment to each other. Most intend to marry; only 13% of cohabitants do not anticipate legalizing their relationship. But the reality for many couples is different: Moving in does not lead to “happily ever after”. Forty percent of cohabitants never make it to the altar. Of the 60% who do marry, more than half divorce within 10 years (compared with 30% of married couples who did not live together first).

Cohabiting partners are more unfaithful and fight more often than married couples, according to research by the Howard Center for Family, Religion and Society. Other studies have come to equally similar conclusions.

Still, experts predict the number of cohabiting couples is likely to increase. As the offspring of the baby boomers come of age, they are inclined to defer marriages, as did their parents. This will lead to more cohabitation and nontraditional families. Until people unearth that living together has pitfalls, it won’t wane in popularity. Cohabiting has been portrayed with “careful neutrality” in the media, and Hollywood celebrities who move in and out of each other’s homes set the standard.

But Warren Farrell, the San Diego-based author of Why Men Are the Way They Are, argues that living together is a good idea for a short period. “To make the jump from dating, when we put our best foot forward, to being married” —without showing each other the “shadow side of ourselves”—is to treat marriage frivolously, he says.