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"There is a senseless
notion that children grow up and leave home when they're 18, and the truth is
far from that," says sociologist Larry Bumpass of the University of Wisconsin.
Today, unexpected numbers of young adults are living with their parents. "There
is a major shift in the middle class,' declares sociologist Allan Schnaiberg of
Northwestern University, whose son, 19, moved back in after an absence of eight
months.
Analysts cite a variety of reasons for this return to
the nest. The marriage age is rising, a condition that makes home and its
pleasantness particularly attractive to young people. A high divorce rate and a
declining remarriage rate are sending economically pressed and emotionally hurt
survivors back to parental shelters. For some, the expense of an away-from- home
college education has become so excessively great that many students now attend
local schools. Even after graduation, young people find their wings clipped by
skyrocketing housing costs.
Living at home, says Knighton, a
school teacher, continues to give her security and moral support. Her mother
agrees, "It's ridiculous for the kids to pay all that money for rent. It makes
sense for kids to stay at home." But sharing the family home requires
adjustments for all. There are the hassles over bathrooms, telephone and
privacy. Some families, however, manage the delicate balancing act. But for
others, it proves too difficult. Michelle Del Turco, 24, has been home three
times and left three times. "What I considered a social drink, my dad considered
an alcohol problem," she explains, "He never liked anyone I dated. So I either
had to hide away or meet them at friends' houses."
Just how long
should adult children live with their parents before moving out? Most
psychologists feel lengthy homecomings are a mistake. Children, struggling to
establish separate identities, can end up with "a sense of inadequacy, defeat
and failure." And aging parents, who should be enjoying some financial and
personal freedom, find themselves stuck with responsibilities. Many agree that
brief visits, however, can work beneficially.