The differences between men and women
clarify why they have different expectations about communication in marriage.
For women, talk {{U}} {{U}} 1 {{/U}} {{/U}}intimacy. Marriage is
an orgy (狂欢) of {{U}} {{U}} 2 {{/U}} {{/U}}: you can tell your
feelings and thoughts, and still be loved. Women's greatest fear is being pushed
away. But men live in a hierarchical world, {{U}} {{U}} 3
{{/U}} {{/U}}talk maintains independence and statue. They are on {{U}}
{{U}} 4 {{/U}} {{/U}}to protect themselves from being put down and
pushed around. This {{U}} {{U}} 5 {{/U}}
{{/U}}the paradox of the talkative man who said of his silent wife, "She's the
talker." In public settings, he feels challenged to {{U}} {{U}} 6
{{/U}} {{/U}}his intelligence and display his understanding. But at home,
where he has {{U}} {{U}} 7 {{/U}} {{/U}}to prove and no one to
defend against, he is free to remain {{U}} {{U}} 8 {{/U}}
{{/U}}. For his wife, being home means she is free from the worry that something
she says might {{U}} {{U}} 9 {{/U}} {{/U}}someone, or spark
disagreement, or appear to be showing off; at home she is {{U}} {{U}}
10 {{/U}} {{/U}}to talk. The communication {{U}}
{{U}} 11 {{/U}} {{/U}}that endanger marriage can't be fixed by
mechanical engineering. They require a new conceptual framework about the
{{U}} {{U}} 12 {{/U}} {{/U}}of talk in human relationships. Many
of the psychological explanations may not be {{U}} {{U}} 13
{{/U}} {{/U}}, because they tend to blame either women (for not being
assertive enough) {{U}} {{U}} 14 {{/U}} {{/U}}men (for not being
in touch with their feelings). A sociolinguistic approach in {{U}} {{U}}
15 {{/U}} {{/U}}male-female conversation is seen as cross-cultural
communication allows us to understand the problem and forge solutions without
blaming either party.