【正确答案】
(Student's sample)
New term began. A lively girl came to our class. She is our new classmate, Fanny. My teacher asked her to sit besides me, and she became my deskmate. Fanny has big eyes, wearing a long and beautiful hair. She wears a red miniskirt and a white T-shirt. When she smiles there are two dimples on her face.
(Improved sample)
On the first day of the new term, a girl named Fanny was transferred to our school and became my new classmate. As the teacher asked her to sit beside me, she also became my deskmate. When we greeted each other, I took a close look at my new friend. Fanny was tall and slender, wearing a red miniskirt and a white T-shirt. She had big eyes and beautiful long hair. When she smiled there were two lovely dimples on her face. I almost took to this lively girl at once.