When do people decide whether or not they want to become friends? During their
first four minutes together, according to a book by Dr. Leonard Zunin. In his
book, Contact: The First Four Minutes, he offers this advice to anyone
interested in starting new friendships: {{U}} {{U}} 1 {{/U}}
{{/U}}A lot of people's whole lives would change if they did just that.
You may have noticed that average person does not give his undivided
attention to someone he has just met. {{U}} {{U}} 2 {{/U}}
{{/U}}If anyone has ever done this to you, you probably did not like him very
much. When we are introduced to new people, the author
suggests, we should try to appear friendly and self-confident. In general, he
says, "People like people who like themselves." On the other
hand, we should not make the other person think we are too sure of ourselves. It
is important to appear interested and sympathetic, realizing that the other
person has his own needs, fears, and hopes. Hearing such
advice, one might say, "But I'm not a friendly, self-confident person. That's
not my nature. It would be dishonest for me to act that way."
{{U}} {{U}} 3 {{/U}} {{/U}}We can become accustomed to any
changes we choose to make in our personality. "It is like getting used to a new
car. It may be unfamiliar at first, but it goes much better than the old
one." But isn't it dishonest to give the appearance of friendly
self-confidence when we don't actually feel that way? Perhaps, but according to
Dr. Zunin, "total honest" is not always good for social relationships,
especially during the first few minutes of contact. There is a time for
everything, and a certain amount of play-acting may be best for the first few
minutes of contact with a stranger. That is not the time to complain about one's
health or to mention faults one finds in other people. It is not the time to
tell the whole truth about one's opinions and impressions.
{{U}} {{U}} 4 {{/U}} {{/U}}For a husband and wife or a parent
and child, problems often arise during their first four minutes together after
they have been apart. Dr. Zunin suggests that these first few minutes together
be treated with care. If there are unpleasant matters to be discussed, they
should be dealt with later. The author says that interpersonal
relations should be taught as a required course in every school, along with
reading, writing, and mathematics. {{U}} {{U}} 5 {{/U}}
{{/U}}That is at least as important as how much we know. A. In
reply, Dr. Zunin would claim that a little practice can help us feel comfortable
about changing our social habits. B. Much of what has been said
about strangers also applies to relationships with family members and
friends. C. In his opinion, success in life depends mainly on
how we get along with other people. D. Every time you meet
someone in a social situation, give him your undivided attention for four
minutes. E. He keeps looking over the other person's shoulder,
as if hoping to find someone more interesting in another part of the
room. F. He is eager to make friends with everyone.