As a writer of romance novels, I create exotic fantasies. My heroines are beautiful, my heroes gilded with a touch of the legendary, my plots larger than life.
Fans sometimes think of me as an 'expert' on love, but my children never ask my advice. When I try to give it anyway, they roll their eyes. (86) {{U}}To them, I'm just Morn—too impossibly old-fashioned and ordinary to understand the winds of their times.{{/U}}
Since they have reached their teens, however, their often painful searches for that special someone have left me sleepless many a night. There are so many things I wish for them that I am utterly powerless to provide. Sometimes I imagine a little scene, Robby and Johanna ask me, 'Morn, how do I find true love?' here is what I say:
1. Understand that love is a state of mind and heart.
It is not dependent on beauty, physical strength or the romantic settings I use in my books. Though it may begin with infatuation, it moves from physical attraction in a golden curve, often involving sacrifice, to the deepest bond between two people.
2. Settle for nothing less than total commitment.
(87) {{U}}A marriage certificate won't solve all your problems, but until you have the guarantee of one, you can't begin the struggle to forge yourselves into one unit against the world—the ultimate goal.{{/U}} A mate is the post you lean on, the person who, when you've really screwed up, loves you anyway. The only way to get that kind of mate is to make the dreadful leap of trust and be that kind of mate.
3. Talk about everything—except divorce.
I was not a talker when I met your dad. In my childhood, I'd learned that it was best to remain silent around my alcoholic father, who could twist any statement into a weapon. But Robert stubbornly refused to accept my silence. It was my first intimation of tile strength of his love. Your father and I learned this the hard way. During a trying period years ago, I found myself calmly saying, 'Maybe we should get a divorce.' He answered, 'Maybe we should.' The day we frankly confronted the divorce option, we were not terribly angry with each other, but we had gradually let divorce become a real choice in our thinking. We made a pact, then and there, never again to mention the word 'divorce' in association with us. We haven't dared break the pact in 17 years.
4. Want the best for each other.
Being married doesn't mean that you are glued together. One of the wonderful things about love is that it binds without crippling. Remember not all your activities, friends or enthusiasm will be the same as your mate' s. When your father went back to college for his teaching degree, it meant starting over, but I wanted him to fulfill his potential. When I decided to abandon paramedical training and become a writer, he encouraged me. (88) {{U}}Loving someone doesn't mean your goals are always identical. But if you want something then your mate wants it for you too.{{/U}}
5. Only one person can be crazy at a time.
Life is seldom a smooth highway of cooperation. You get angry. Your mate becomes obsessed. Either one of you can become totally obnoxious. But you can't both go wild at the same time. One of you has to stay in adult mode. The real thing has to do with love. And it isn't always glamorous-or easy. Love helps you get to the bathroom when you're sick. Love agrees to disagree on serious subjects. When you walk out the door in a rage, love trails after you, shouting, 'You can't get away from me! I love you, and I'll follow you wherever you go !'
(89) {{U}}And so in my sleepless hours, Robby and Johanna, I wish for you that moment when you look up and find someone watching you as if you were a candle—as if you were the only light in a world of darkness.{{/U}}