| Despite the general negative findings,
it is important to remember that all children who live through a divorce do not
behave in the same way. The specific behavior depends on the child's individual
personality, characteristics, age at the time of divorce, and gender. In terms
of personality, when compared to those rated as relaxed and easygoing, children
described as temperamental and irritable have more difficulty coping with
parental divorce, as indeed they have more difficulty adapting to life change in
general. Stress, such as that found in disrupted families, seems to impair the
ability of temperamental children to adapt to their surroundings, the greater
the amount of stress, the less well they adapt. In contrast, a moderate amount
of stress may actually help an easygoing, relaxed child learn to cope with
adversity. There is some relationship between age and children's characteristic reaction to divorce. As the child grows older, the greater is the likelihood of a free expression of a variety of complex feelings, an understanding of those feelings, and a realization that the decision to divorce cannot be attributed to any one simple cause Self-blame virtually disappears after the age of 6, fear of abandonment diminishes after the age of 8, and the confusion and fear of the young child is replaced in the older child by shame, anger, and self-reflection. Gender of the child is also a factor that predicts the nature of reaction to divorce, The impact of divorce is initially greater on boys than on girls. They are more aggressive, less compliant, have greater difficulties in interpersonal relationships, and exhibit problem behaviors both at home and at school. Furthermore, the adjustment problems of boys are still noticeable even two years after the divorce. Girls' adjustment problems are usually internalized rather than acted out, and are often resolved by the second year after the divorce. However, new problems may surface for girls as they enter adolescence and adulthood. How can the relatively greater impact of divorce on boys than on girls be explained? The greater male aggression and noncompliance may reflect the fact that such behaviors are tolerated and even encouraged in males in our culture more than they are in females. Furthermore, boys may have a particular need for a strong male model of self-control, as well as for a strong disciplinarian parent. Finally, boys are more likely to be exposed to their parents' fights than girls are, and after the breakup, boys are less likely than girls to receive sympathy and support from mothers, teachers, or peers. |