[A] Look and listen and think about what the other person says, how they
say it and what they do. Be aware of yourself as well If you recognize a pause
in the wrong place or a phrasing that implies weakness then immediately look for
a way to counter the impression produced. The game is not lost until the
encounter is over. Many of these signals do not require a deep study of
psychology. They require awareness, some common sense to recognize meaning
and a readiness to do something about the signals that are sent and
received.
[B] Recognition of body language also helps to understand our own
feelings. If we feel irritated by someone, could it be because they are leaning
back in their chair, with head slightly tilted back (looking down their noses at
us), perhaps with hands together making a shape like a church steeple, or with
hands behind their head? We may both be standing up and the other person is
holding their jacket lapels, waggling their thumbs at us. These are all
gestures of superiority and might explain our annoyance. Understanding this, we
may be able to handle it better.
[C] If we can interpret this involuntary
commentary then our negotiating position will be stronger. We could recognize a
lie, whether our arguments were being accepted or whether the other party was
unreceptive and adjust our behaviour accordingly.
[D] Many studies claim to
show that over 50 percent of the messages we convey are through gesture,
expression and posture. This is in addition to the messages conveyed through
tone of voice. Whether it be banging the table with our fists, directing an
angry stare or looking puzzled, it is hard to deny the importance of this side
of communication. The astute dealer is always alive to body language but
don't concentrate so much on it that you don't pay attention to what is actually
said.
[E] Signals don't appear singly but in clusters of several that
reinforce each other. Don't rely upon just one gesture that may be
misinterpreted but take the wider evidence available. We frequently say things
we don't mean and mean things we don't say. How easy it is to imply things we
don't mean! Interpretation of the "sub-text" of communication is inaccurate.
Don't rely upon what you think is going on under the surface without checking
you interpretation.
[F] Some expressions and gestures are particular to
specific cultures, while others are common to the entire human race, such as
smiling or the bared teeth of anger. A smile can be faked, it can mask
anger and aggression. However, the way we stand and what we do with our hands is
harder to control. There is another layer of body signals, of greater subtlety,
such as the narrowing of eyes, the shape of the smile and even the contraction
of the pupils of the eye, which may also betray the real feelings of the smiling
negotiator. Most of those gestures are universal.
[G] Typically, someone who
is lying will avoid your eye and may look downwards. They may touch their faces
around the mouth and have the palms of their hands hidden from you. The other
party may adopt a tone of voice of great sincerity and look you steadily in the
eye in order to reinforce the deception of their words. If you look away
from that gaze you may see signals they are unable to control, which give the
game away.
[H] We all recognize a lot unconsciously, which is how we
get a feeling that someone is lying or that they are bored. In lying, people's
expressions, postures and gestures convey contrary messages to their words and
we intuitively recognize the disparity. To negotiate more effectively, be
sensitive to these signals, whether by paying more attention to your feelings or
by consciously observing and thinking about the gestures and expressions we
see.
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