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Psychologists agree that I.Q. contributes only about 20 percent of the factors that determine success. A full 80 percent comes from other factors, including what I call emotional intelligence. Following are two of the major qualities that make up emotional intelligence, and how they can be developed:
1. Self-awareness. The ability to recognize a feeling as it happens is the keystone of emotional intelligence. People with greater certainty about their emotions are better pilots of their lives.
Developing self-awareness requires tuning in to what neurologist Antonio Damasio calls "gut feelings". Gut feelings can occur without a person being consciously aware of them. For example, when people who fear snakes are shown a picture of a snake, sensors on their skin will detect sweat, a sign of anxiety, even though the people say they do not feel fear. The sweat shows up even when a picture is presented so rapidly that the subject has no conscious awareness of seeing it.
Through deliberate effort we can become more aware of our gut feelings. Take someone who is annoyed by a rude encounter for hours after it occurred. He may be unaware of his irritability and surprised when someone calls attention to it. But if he evaluates his feelings, he can change them.
Emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental of emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood.
2. Mood Management. Bad as well as good moods spice life and build character. The key is balance.
We often have little control over when we are swept by emotion. But we can have some say in how long that emotion will last. Psychologist Dianne Tice asked more than 400 men and women about their strategies for escaping foul moods. Her research, along with that of other psychologists, provides valuable information on how to change a bad mood.
Of all the moods that people want to escape, rage seems to be the hardest to deal with. When someone in another car cuts you off on the highway, your reflexive thought may be, That jerk! He could have hit me! I can''t let him get away with that! The more you stew, the angrier you get. Such is the stuff of hypertension and reckless driving.
What should you do to relieve rage? One myth is that ventilating will make you feel better. In fact, researchers have found that''s one of the worst strategies. A more effective technique is "reframing", which means consciously reinterpreting a situation in a more positive light. In the case of the driver who cuts you off, you might tell yourself: Maybe he had some emergency. This is one of the most potent ways, Tice found, to put anger to rest.
Going off alone to cool down is also an effective way to refuse anger, especially if you can''t think clearly. Tice found that a large proportion of men cool down by going for a drive - a finding that inspired her to drive more defensively. A safer alternative is exercise, such as taking a long walk. Whatever you do, don''t waste the time pursuing your train of angry thoughts. Your aim should be to distract yourself.
The techniques of reframing and distraction can alleviate depression and anxiety as well as anger. Add to them such relaxation techniques as deep breathing and meditation and you have an arsenal of weapons against bad moods.