阅读理解 Shakespeare, apparently, had it right. All the world is a stage. " You are actors, and the stage is your family," says Claude Gudner, a marriage and family therapist in Ontario, Canada. "The kids see everything on that stage. "
For better or worse, our day-to-day interactions with our spouse—such things as decision making , conflict and displays of affection-slowly construct what Judith Siegel calls our children' s " blueprint for intimacy. "
Siegel is the author of What Children Learn from Their Parents' Marriage. She says research shows that this primary model of intimacy makes a lasting impression on kids. " In a problematic marriage, children might develop behavior problems or health problems such as gaining weight or headaches," says Siegel. Their grades may drop, their personalities change.
And kids can carry the burden of marital difficulties into their own adult relationships. " Not only can kids take on their parents' unfinished business, but this can be passed down generation upon generation," Gudner explains.
There' s a positive flip side to this, of course. " When we look at children who come from families where there are healthy marital relationships, we see it reflected in their physical health as well as their ability to function well socially and academically," says Siegel.
Experts and parents agree that the bedrock of a healthy marriage is mutual respect " It' s always been very important to us that we don' t cut each other down in front of the kids," says Jasmine Burns.
Saving criticism until after the fact can also work. " Many times I think my husband is too hard on the boys," says Iwona McNeil. " But I let him handle the situation, and then when we are alone, I let him know what I think. "
Siegel also urges parents to be careful when and where they choose to blow off steam about their spouse' s shortcomings. " People sometimes complain to their family and friends about their partner on the telephone, not realizing that their children are listening," she explains.